Family and friends
If they are good friends, they are family.
The same few things build a real relationship with a brother, a father, a son, a friend of thirty years or a man you met this morning.
Bonds cannot be built fast
Life is long. The bonds that hold were built over years, a little at a time, mostly while doing something else. A man who wants a closer brother, son or father next month is usually asking for something that takes a decade, and that is no reason not to start.
My brothers' friends looked after me when I needed it. I believe that was because they could see my brother in me. You are known by your family more than you think, and that is a community you already belong to.
Men remember more than they say
Most men would be surprised by what other men remember about them. There is a reluctance to say it out loud. The man who does say it is being brave, and it forms a stronger bond than almost anything else.
Men do things together and rarely talk about it. That is fine. Some of the best conversations I have had were while serving food, relaxed, side by side, with nobody looking at anybody.
The right question opens almost anyone
Every man is interesting with the right question, especially with a bit of hospitality. It takes confidence to ask. After four questions I usually know how deep a conversation can go.
If an older relative gives you their knowledge, it is perhaps the biggest compliment going. But somebody has to ask. Asking “Tell me about someone who made an impression on you” is a better start than “How are you?”
Food, laughter and leaving well
Preparing food for someone is the clearest way I know of showing you care. Good chat is very hard to find, and we need to laugh. Neither can be forced, and both come easier at a table.
When a relationship has run its course, leave with dignity and respect. A clean break, with clear reasons. Paths cross again, in families especially.
This is my experience, not advice about your family. If someone at home is not safe, the safety page comes first.